


Letter from Fhirdiad

by Sav572



Series: The Wolf and the Demon [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Birthday, Bittersweet, Established Relationship, F/M, Fantasizing, Letters, Masturbation, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-01-16 18:10:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sav572/pseuds/Sav572
Summary: The events in the lead up to Lies of Ever After. A series of letters sent between Felix and Byleth during one of their separations.





	1. The Way We Were

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes to shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual I got stuck on a chapter so I switched gears. 
> 
> I'm not sure how much interest there is in seeing the angsty fallout between Dimitri and Byleth, but here we are. I'll be updating this MUCH later once key events happen elsewhere but at least a major loose end has been tied up.

The stale stench of whiskey assaulted Byleth’s nostrils as she stirred from her alcohol-induced slumber. A loud series of bangs echoed through her skull and down her aching back. Lifting herself out of the chair, it came back to Byleth that she had fallen asleep in the military affairs office...her office. The former mercenary had fallen asleep in many uncomfortable positions but it was never her choice to do so. Fumbling around the oaken table Byleth searched for the brown bottle that had promised her a dreamless sleep. With any luck, it could ease the misery that coursed through her veins. The very misery that originated in this room yesterday.

Ever since Felix's proposal almost a year ago, their long-distance relationship was not easy. They were equals in status within United Fódlan but in different ways. After the war, Felix had begrudgingly accepted his role as the Duke of Fraldarius. Meanwhile, after resigning as archbishop, Byleth had accepted Dimitri's offer to be his military advisor and the army's high commander.

Her relocation to Fhirdiad took away much of the strain Felix and herself suffered while she lived at Garreg Mach. They officially announced their engagement and compromised to make a routine; alternating weeks between Fhirdiad and wherever Felix needed to be within the duchy with one long week of separation between visits. Flying solo had become a necessary skill set, even if neither of them could claim to be proficient enough to do so in combat. Settled into their positions, their marriage, the future they had only dared to whisper vaguely about during Byleth's time as archbishop was on the horizon.

Rebellions plagued the former Adrestian Empire. As the 'Ashen Demon', Byleth fought with her blood-soaked relic and used tactics on a micro level to outmaneuver enemies. As 'High Commander Eisner', Byleth fought with her ink-soaked quill and used tactics on a macro level; managing fronts, supplies, and wounded troops to give deployed officers advantages against enemies. Redeployment of troops after six months of active duty to keep them fresh was routine, and the Varley front where Count Varley was rebelling had come due.

Groggy from a near red-eye flight under the Blue Sea Moon, Byleth had intended to keep the military briefing short and had preselected House Gloucester to levy troops.

In this very room, a visiting minor lord insinuated that Byleth bent her knees both for Duke Fraldarius's pleasure and his benefit in military matters. To contain her anger, she had almost broken the skin of her palms from pressing her blunted nails inwards. Unfortunately, records agreed with the bastard's suggestion that it was House Fraldarius's turn to levy troops. It would be an abuse of her power If Byleth attempted to spare herself and Felix the pain of separation, and worse would prove the accusation of favoritism correct.

Normally, Byleth's first day back in Fhirdiad was used to catch up on the piled-up paperwork that accumulated in her absence. Instead, after the military's advisor's scheduled meetings, Byleth dismantled her shared future with Felix with every stroke of her quill. A messenger was dispatched immediately after the documents were complete to inform Duke Fraldarius- to inform Felix of his obligation.

Their goodbyes were bitter but always held a silent promise that they would see each other again. Not this time. As soon as Felix received the messenger, he would muster troops and head south as per 'High Commander Eisner's' orders. Felix would survive. After everything they had sacrificed...he had to. Still, their wedding was canceled until her fiancé could return.

When Byleth entered the bedchamber she shared with Felix to sleep. Rather, when Byleth entered the bedchamber she **had** shared with Felix, she couldn't bear the sight. Every piece of furniture from the two-person table they bought together to even their wardrobe, filled with spare clothes Felix kept in Fhirdiad was a reminder of her missing bedmate, and that was to say nothing of the memories their bed held. Retreating to her office, Byleth drank until she saw only the back of her eyelids.

The wooden door to the Military Affairs office slammed off of its hinges onto the stone floor, flooding the pitch-black room with light. Illuminated by the light Dimitri appeared just as his nickname the 'Savior King', even if he was dressed simply in a white buttoned-up shirt and Blaiddyd blue riding pants.

"Byleth? I beg of you to say something if you are in here." Dimitri's fear-filled voice bounced around the room. As Byleth trudged towards her king, his expression changed from fear...to pity. "You had everyone on the council so worried, myself above all. I feared the worst when I came across your locked office."

Dimitri wrapped his arms around Byleth's shoulders and pulled her tight to his chest. Her friend was not a warm-blooded individual, but at the moment it was not warmth Byleth needed but human contact. "Come on, let us get you downstairs and call off the search. If you are willing and able, please have dinner with me tonight. Surely it would be better than eating alone."

A knot in her throat prevented Byleth from thanking Dimitri. All she could manage was nodding into his chest.

* * *

The Royal Appartments of Fhirdiad held a mixture of memories for Byleth. The most recent of which had been shared meals with either her friend Dimitri or King Blaiddyd depending on the dinner's nature. Tonight Dimitri had attempted to comfort her. Her friend had avoided the topic of Felix and court politics. Instead, he reminded her of the better days they had shared together as a professor and her pupil. As Dimitri served chamomile tea the sun dipped over the horizon and painted the city beyond the castle's walls orange. 

Although the ache from missing still persisted, Byleth had to admit her smile had come back slowly over the course of dinner. 

"I truly still owe you for the sacrifices you made for Fódlan and the endless patience you showed me in my darkest days. Without you in my life, none of what I accomplished would have been possible. I would be but a shadow of the man I am."

Byleth chuckled and assured her friend. "Dimitri, you've paid your debt to me several times over. I'm grateful for our relationship."

"I could perhaps give you one last thing if you'd take it. I deeply admire you, and it gives me no pleasure seeing you in pain."

"I already apologized for this morning-"

"Let me finish. If...goddess forbid the worst should happen. If Felix cannot return. If he falls in combat. I implore you to consider alternatives before wasting away. I could be your the light in your darkness just as you were mine once."


	2. Letter from Fhirdiad (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix gets a letter from Byleth and imagines returning home to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This [artwork](https://twitter.com/ribelle0804/status/1174343454698213377) by Ribelle on twitter set a nice atmosphere when I needed to write the initial reunion. Ribelle does the best Felix/Byleth art out there. It is hard to NOT find inspiration in what she does. 
> 
> Sex scene below the break for what is it worth.

Felix held his breath when a wyvern rider, dressed in the royal blue shade of House Blaiddyd, interrupted a strategy meeting in the Fraldarius command tent. The Duke had arrived at the Varley front a few weeks ago, and for the time acted as the rearguard. The moment he saw Byleth’s black seal on the packet it took every ounce of willpower Felix had to not possessively tear it out of the messenger's hands. Instead, he had to wait as a squire far too slowly received it and announced Felix as the recipient.

With the bundle of papers secured in his grasp, Felix loosened the seal emblazoned with the Crest of Flames, keeping the wax as intact as much as he was able. Communication normally took weeks to reach far destinations by horse. He would be keeping this reminder until Byleth's next letter arrived.

_1 Horsebow Moon 1187_

_ My beloved Duke Felix Fraldarius_,

Already a flush of warmth filled Felix’s chest and spread to his cheeks as he settled into his chair.

_ If you’re looking for the redeployments for the Varley front or the information on your supplies routes, skip ahead to the next page. I took Sylvain's suggestion that you might appreciate my handwriting however you could get it, so I drafted the documents myself. I would summarize the information ahead for you further but it's been about a moon since you left. I wouldn’t forgive myself if the first letter that reaches you is entirely about business._

He looked up for a moment and realized all eyes in the tent were on him. He was in possession of the documents necessary to advance the briefing after all. Felix quickly glanced at the remainder of the packet, to make sure there were no other personal pages. Just as she had written Byleth’s handwriting was on each page. Sylvain wasn’t wrong, seeing her penmanship, even if it was just on official matters was oddly comforting right now. Reluctantly he gave all but the personal letter away.

_I really should have written to you before now, but every time I sat down to write, nothing felt worthy of what little time you probably have to read. I thought my day to day business; the reforms we're attempting to push, or the hours of reading reports to keep one step ahead of conflicts would_ _bore you. Worse I feared it would make you worry that I'm overworking myself in your absence. It wasn't until my monthly 'conference' with Sylvain, and Ferdinand that I received the advice I needed. _

_ Speaking of the ‘conference’ for a moment. The three of us have been forbidden by Dimitri from sneaking off to "unreputable taverns" after there was a poisoning attempt on a visiting noble two weeks ago. To make matters worse, all courtiers have armed escorts assigned to them when they leave the castle grounds. Sylvain tried reasoning with the King that since we disguise ourselves we aren’t in danger, but he rebuffed our argument. We’ll need to figure a way to bypass the guards for my birthday. The parlor we were led to had weak drinks, a far too formal dress code (even you would have laughed at the extravagant dress they insisted I wear), and constant interruptions by patrons about court politics. Anyway, Ferdinand suggested I pretend like I’m holding a conversation with you when I sit to write. He said it’s fine to talk about boring things. That the important thing is to make you feel like you’re with me when you read the letter. _

_ So yes, I’ve been purposely keeping longer hours...but only because burying myself in work, buries your absence from my thoughts. Some nights I can exhaust myself sparring against and critiquing the squires. Though that...reminds me of teaching you, and our private sessions when you were my student. _

_ On nights when I can't reach exhaustion I find myself I alone, in our bed, with memories of us constantly replaying in my mind. It will be moons before I feel your touch again but I still yearn for it. Your deft lips and fingers always know where to explore to make my back arch and my toes curl. Remembering their exact feel was so much easier before the last of your marks faded. I probably shouldn't be writing like this during a briefing. It is only in the morning here, so I’ll be stuck until at least dinner in meetings with this empty ache where you belong. _

Quickly the letter was placed down on the table, and the officers gathered in Felix’s tent for the briefing were dismissed. It was bad enough that Felix felt his face flushing red as he read the paragraph again. If he sported an erection during a briefing he would never hear the end of it, even after his tour was over.

_ I'll continue to think of you each morning, every briefing when I see your pin on the map behind me, and every night...especially tonight. Trust that I’m doing everything in my control from Fhirdiad to bring you home to me safely. I love you. _

_ See you soon in my dreams tonight,  
__Your Byleth (one day soon Fraldarius) Eisner_  
_\--------------------------------------------------------_  
The tent began to darken as the officers extinguished the lanterns which illuminated the area for the meeting. Felix gathered the rest of the documents Byleth had sent into a pile for later review. For now, there was a matter that needed his attention. Even if this was his private tent, he would still need to be cautious of visitors (the Duke being in charge of operations while deployed). To remedy being caught, he turned his chair so it wouldn’t face the opening flap. Now all he had to avoid was casting his own shadow on the outside of the tent. He read the letter one last time before he moved his surcoat to the side, and unbuttoned his trousers. He extinguished the last source of light in his tent and slid a hand into his smallclothes once he unlaced them.

Felix gave himself a long stroke as he considered where he wanted to take his imagination. He briefly thought about letting Byleth appear here in his tent, between his legs, to suck the ache away from his body. Then he remembered his lover’s letter. It would be dusk now for both of them. When his fiancée wrote the letter she had obviously, desperately needed him. Was it the same way tonight? Was she in bed right now imagining him between her legs? Felix decided the answer was yes. Byleth needed him with her tonight, so that’s where he would be...if only in his thoughts.

He leaned back and closed his eyes...Felix was back in Fhirdiad. Byleth’s soft moans came from behind the curtains of their bed as he tore at his armor to remove it. He drew open the curtain at the foot of the bed slightly to enter. Inside, Byleth laid upon her side, a short, sheer, nightgown was hitched above her stomach. Her eyes were half-lidded with need as her fingers gently teased her folds. Felix stalked up the bed and caged Byleth between his arms, her green eyes widened and mouth gaped with surprise.

Felix refused to let his fantasy drift immediately to devouring or fingering his needy lover. No, he genuinely missed her too much to indulge his carnal desires alone.

“Byleth.” Felix whispered and gently claimed his fiancée's mouth with his lips. “I’m home.”

Byleth rolled over onto her back, and ran her fingers over Felix's face, almost relearning his features.

“Welcome home.” He felt her smile against his lips.

In response to Byleth's fingers moving away from her most sensitive area, Felix trailed his fingers lightly, downwards to tease at her breast, then further down to her hip bone. He ran his tongue over Byleth's lips...they parted allowing him to lap his tongue against hers in a deepened kiss. He settled a single finger's ministrations up and down her clit and slit, still only applying only the lightest of touches.

Byleth whimpered with frustration. "More...I need more."

She bucked into his hand urging him on and pulled with urgency at his black turtleneck. As soon as Felix broke the kiss, they were discarded somewhere outside of the curtains. His smallclothes were unlaced by a smaller hand reaching in. Felix's cock throbbed both in the tent and in bed. There was no way he was letting Byleth win in his fantasy. He would push his lover over the edge before taking what he desperately needed from her.

"You mean..." He slipped a finger into her heat. "...this?" Then a second finger, pushing both digits deeper. "You missed this?"

Felix curled his fingers and brushed his thumb against her sensitive nub. Byleth shuddered under his touch nearly purring in appreciation when he began his work until she arched her back, and fell onto the sheets. Felix kissed the spot where her ear met her neck and ran his teeth down its side. When he found her thumping pulse he suckled on the skin and traced the resulting mark with his tongue.

Felix wrapped an arm around her waist pulling Byleth close and anchoring himself. They both moaned as Felix teased her entrance with the head of his cock before plunging forward, earning him his name moaned in approval. One long thrust and her body so willingly accepted his cock back where it belonged. Each deep thrust back into her wanting folds he prompted her to moan his name louder further urging his pace on. Tonight he didn’t care if they woke the rest of the castle. Everyone should know the one she belonged to was home, and the one he belonged to was taken care of. When Byleth tightened around him he knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

"Fill me, Felix. I miss you."

Felix buried his mouth into her shoulder and bit down to stifle the moan that escaped when he planted his seed inside her.

A bolt of pain in the gloved hand that he had bitten into, brought him back into the dim tent. He was alone again. With the small amount of light, he scuffed the cum on the ground into the dirt with his boot and wiped himself off before tucking himself into his pants. Being still so close to the battlefield he didn't dare to sleep without his armor. Slumping into his bedroll he closed his eyes and went back to Byleth.

She was in his arms now facing him sweaty, but eyes full of adoration that melted his heart. Both in the bed of his dreams and the bedroll of his reality Felix whispered.

"I miss you too. Goodnight Byleth"

He kissed her goodnight and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to try write a sex scene before I actually need to write sex scene chapters. The hardest part was transitioning from tender "I've been away for a over month and I've missed you" to "Right I need to get off which is why I fantasized about you in the first place." 
> 
> Huh I think I'm far too clinical to write good smut. Also that ending turned out really....bittersweet? Was that too bittersweet?


	3. Letter to Fhirdiad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Letter from Felix arrives on Byleth's Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The concept of what a letter from Felix would look like stuck with me. I was torn between him being honest with her about everything, and putting on a front that everything is fine. I truly think that is probably exactly how he would actually write a letter. 
> 
> All I'm going to say is I had a mason jar of vodka that had been sitting around for the past two years with spices in it. This was always going to be Byleth's birthday anyway but the burn in my throat inspired me. Also, the four suits originated in the 15th century so I’m going to say they could exist in Fódlan.  


Black ink marred the single piece of parchment where multiple failed greetings had been crossed out. Felix wondered how was he supposed to write a letter when even the first line proved impossible. The duke had written plenty of formal letters before, but something this personal to him was yet another new experience Byleth had brought to him. 

<strike> Professor Esiner.</strike> _I’m not her student anymore_. <strike>Beloved.</strike> _That would be the Boar. _ <strike> Commander Esiner.</strike> _This is a personal letter idiot_. <strike> My beloved Lady Eisner.</strike> _That would be copying Byleth's letter._ <strike>My Future Dutchess Fraldarius.</strike> _She is, but that isn't me_. <strike> My eternal sparring partner</strike>. _She's far more than just a sparring partner_. <strike> My whetstone.</strike> _Closer_. My source of strength. _That is what Byleth became after all._

At first, his professor was just a shadow, a replacement to Glenn for Felix to chase after and surpass. The first time the swordsman walked beside Byleth's shadow as her equal, he found a warmth that he never wanted to lose. Every step her shadow took (or was pushed into taking), forced him to strengthen some part of himself or fall behind. He retrieved a fresh sheet of parchment. He told himself that correspondence with Byleth was just another spar, one over a long distance using words instead of swords. 

A quill dipped into ink just when the alarm outside of the tent was raised. The letter was put on hold, nothing good could come from an attack on the rearguard.

* * *

The warmth from a glass of something laced with cinnamon and honey burned Byleth's sternum and throat. Before becoming a professor past birthdays were just another day filled with riding, an intense fight, or if the mercenary camp was unlucky that moon...hunger. This birthday, however, her former students had been summoned. In place of a grueling day of survival, sloth and gluttony were the only options given. Lazily she let her gaze linger around the council chamber. It had been converted for the occasion into a den of debauchery (at least by noble standards). Dimitri seemed to be the only person attempting to do any work. Attempting being the keyword. His desk was covered in wooden casks, dark bottles, heavy meats, and sweet pastries. Chairs had been drug into the room for Mercedes, Ingrid, and Annette who sat near the desk distracting their sovereign from making progress. In the corner of Byleth's vision cards were thrown into the middle of the round table, returning her attention to her fellow advisors and Ashe.

From the seat to her left, Sylvain held another tankard up to her eye level. "Still in a good enough spot for another round Byleth?"

The redhead sounded sober...at least more sober than she felt. Until she realized Sylvain's birthday had already passed, Byleth swore revenge. At least tomorrow was her day off. As long as the fire remained stoked she could recover in bed.

"I have one more in me. No more cards though. I'm still all here. My vision is just slowing down so my perception is..." _What was the word?_ _This is definitely my last round. "_The Ashen Demon might be a good bluffing face, but without sharp perception...you can't win."

A young man's timid voice snuck up on her. "Excuse me."

Her suspicion was confirmed, her perception was on its way out, if not gone. Luckily this wasn't the wilderness. There was no danger of death if she drank this last tankard and went to bed. Byleth tipped the tankard to her lips.

"Uh, Lady Eisner? A report came in from the Varley front."

She raised her unoccupied hand and vaguely moved her fingers in a 'get on with it motion'. The squire cleared his throat.

"And skip the formal greeting kid." Sylvain interrupted the incoming gore of snobbery. "She only cares about the report. Trust me." 

"If the Boar or a thoughtless squire is reading this." The young man paused. "Uh...hand this letter over to Byleth immediately." 

Laughter broke out among her colleagues. Already in the distance, Ingrid and Annette were asking after how Felix was, but this was his first letter to her. She knew where he was, and what he was doing strategically. However, how he was personally...she still had no answer for even herself. 

Dimitri snarled. "When you received this package it should have been sealed. Do you know what purpose a seal serves? I know who the sender is but did you? Who's colored seal did you break?"

The squire appeared to be slightly shaking, his face was beet red. "To maintain privacy and identify the sender, your majesty. The seal was teal so House Fraldarius."

Ferdinand cut into the tension that had grown. "He's obviously new your majesty. If it were any other lord's report the content wouldn't have been private. How was a new squire to know their personal relationship? If there are no other personal papers, please read the report."

Looking over the letter, Byleth felt anxious. It didn't take long for her to realize why. The ink on the paper was thick, in places seeping through the paper. Felix's writing was never elegant in the essays he wrote, but she had only seen him write like this once before. She tuned out the squire, opting to focus her attention on what was ailing her swordsman so far away. 

_ Byleth,  
_ _I hope this letter reaches you before the report. There was a demonic beast attack on my camp last night. Obviously, my name won't be on the casualty report, but you dwell on dumb things. I am fine. Just some fresh scratches and I need to burn one of my surcoats after this is all over. _

Condolences, murmurs on what an attack meant, and pleads for more information filtered through one ear and out the other. She had to remain calm. At least word of his survival had gotten to her before she had a chance to fear the worst. No matter what else the letter held...Felix was alive. She would remain composed on the outside, no matter how terrified for him she felt on the inside.

"Felix is fine, this letter was written after the attack. You can stop reading the report and take it directly to my office. I'll take care of the rest there."

_ At the briefing this morning, they all looked to me for answers that I didn't have. Ones I can only hope you can give me. I've never envied your position; your constant state of fooling everyone into a sense of security. _

A strong hand kept her from rising from her chair. Dimitri's one eye briefly met hers with a pleading look. "You surely don't intend on working through the night after your activities today. It's still your birthday."

Irritation seeped its way through Byleth's deliberate calm exterior. She pushed the King's hand away (feeling fortunate Dimitri hadn't used his actual strength) and slowly rose from her chair. "And happy birthday to me." She hadn't sounded that sarcastic in some time. Byleth took a moment to compose herself before continuing. "A demonic attack we didn’t anticipate occurred. He...we need answers. Hopefully, I can find them in my office."

_ Not many caught onto the slow tap of your quill when you suddenly had to change a battle plan. No one felt you occasionally tossing, and turning at night. No one else had to tear themselves from your bed in the morning only for you to resume your restless slumber. I believed you wore yourself ragged because of your stubbornness. I rolled my eyes and pulled you away from your work when you stated it was part of your job. _ _I'm in your boots now, and I wish for once in your life you were lying to me then. Every decision I make puts me either closer, or further from coming home. It wears on you like an invisible yoke. _

A pair of footsteps followed Byleth down the tower which connected the royal and state sections of the castle. Byleth didn't bother to check who was followed as she ran her eyes over the remaining contents of the letter. The next few lines of the letter had been blotted out with ink, but now the handwriting was erratic

_I'm being told this letter needs to be finished now to make it onto the emergency wyvern. I'll try to write again soon. __I am fine. Don't worry about me, don't lose sleep. _ _You didn't teach a half-witted student, and you're not marrying a weak man. I look forward to your next letter._

Yet more blots of ink, and Felix's signature to end the letter. The footsteps' pace increased as Byleth neared the steps back up to where her office was located. She nearly called for a guard when a hand roughly grabbed her wrist yanking her back towards her bedchamber. Her face collided with a burgundy jerkin 

Sylvain looked at her sympathetically and loosened his grip. "I know you're distressed and you have every right to be. The man is my best friend, so I'm worried too, just not in the same way." He let go of her wrist completely and swept his hair back. "He'd want you to sleep tonight, especially if he knew it was your birthday. Shit, he'd drag you to bed and barricade the door until you gave in."

"Well you have enough respect for Felix to not barricade the two of us in a room together, and Felix isn't exactly here. I'm going upstairs...if you want to help you're welcome to it."

* * *

An orange hue from a fire (which she didn't remember starting) filled Byleth's council room when she opened her eyes. The last thing she could recall was being wrapped in Felix's older cloak (which was missing) as she and Sylvain placed pins on a map. They'd been hoping to find a pattern in the demonic attacks from past moons. When the former professor looked down past her arms where she cradled her head, Byleth immediately recognized the beginnings of a certain pair of thigh-high boots. With the pain of regret, her swordsman's boots told her everything she needed to know. This was merely a dream. She had fallen asleep without finding Felix an answer. 

"This isn't your bedroom Byleth. I told you to not to lose sleep. Am I the only thing keeping you from self-destruction?"

Byleth raised her head and looked over the illusion who sat on the table next to her chair. Felix appeared just as he was the morning before he left. No wounds, no gore on his clothes, and no dark bags under his narrowed eyes that she knew he must have in reality. 

"The Felix Fraldarius glare never worked on me, dear. Also, this isn't exactly your command tent where you should be." Even though Byleth knew it was a dream she moved her chair over and leaned her head onto his knee. "I wish you were more than just alcohol. Maybe then I could give you some kind of comfort." She wrapped her arms around his calf squeezing the relaxed muscle. 

"I told you I'm fine." His glare softened into a slight frown. "Come here."

Felix knocked over one of the chairs with his foot and pat the heavy table beside him. The two of them leaned their bodies upon one another, the sides of their heads touching. She couldn't help but smile, even if this was a dream there was something real about the comfort she felt.

"I wonder if you're just as bad of a liar in your dreams." She softly mused, placing her hand on his thigh.

"I've seen enough of your reports, and graded enough of your papers to know your handwriting intimately. Do you know when I last saw your handwriting that thick? The essay right after I threatened to bench you from future missions. You told me off, stomped away from the sparring session, and a week later turned in the sloppiest looking paper. You were anxious."

She couldn't explain why the memory of the younger, cruder Felix brought a toothy smile to her lips.

"Never mind that up to that point it was your best work. You continued to interrupt my class, but you took things more seriously after that."

"I will always be sorry for my seventeen-year-old self. Are you just going to wake up, leave me here, and get back to work? Over my handwriting?"

Gingerly she kissed her fiancé. If this wasn't a dream his lips would have been soft and welcoming. 

"I don't want to go. I want to give you whatever you need." Their fingers found one another entangling together. "I miss you." Even if this was a dream the sight of him so close made something in her ache. "The real you needs answers I still don't have." The next kiss, she found herself lingering there against his lips. "I just want to be with you. The real you." 

Again Byleth woke up from here slumber still in the clothes, that she wore last night. This time the chill in the room and the unfulfillment in her lions told her she truly was awake. The bed she shared with Felix felt too large for herself alone. If not for the autumn chill of the night she would have grabbed a blanket and abandon their bed for her chair by the unlit fireplace. Instead, she gathered the extra pillows and lined placed them against her back in a line. One last pillow she clutched into her arms and buried her head into. For once she would let Felix, the real one, win. Tomorrow was her day off. No briefing could keep her from getting an answer for Felix so she could send an emergency wyvern rider with an adequate response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the third break was supposed to be a full-blown sex dream in the council room, to try to write Felix smut from Byleth's PoV. After I got through the letter (which I am happy with actually) smut ended up just feeling wrong for this situation. Heck, it felt more right to turn the encounter into a nightmare, but I don't think anyone wants to see that lol.
> 
> Good guy Sylvain carrying his professor to bed without any bad intentions  
RIP that poor squire for opening the Professor's mail  
Also, it would have been accidentally RIP Sylvain witnessing a sex dream if I went that direction
> 
> Actually I'm more happy with how this turned out than a lot of my other chapters lately.


	4. Letter from Fhirdiad II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Additional letters arrive on the rearguard for Felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little writing exercise to keep in the habit while the holiday season kicks off.
> 
> Really I should be calling Byleth a Constable but that word has a different connotation now than it had then. The Kingdom has a High Commander in command (as second to the king of course)

_ 9 Horsebow Moon 1187 _

_ Felix,  
__You’ll be happy to know that the old cloak of yours is coming in handy. I know you wouldn’t lie to me, but the idea of Fhirdiad and _ _ Faerghus lands, in general, __getting colder is difficult to grasp. I’ve gotten ridiculed for putting logs on the fire during my morning briefings. I’m being told it is too early to waste wood. I’m cold, they aren’t. How did you grow up like this? _

_ In more annoying news; I enlisted your former classmates to help plan the wedding considering my time is limited. That quickly is proving to be my fatal mistake. I could care less about what greenery we’re using, how many courses we’re planning to serve, and what cake you won’t be eating. But if I find out which of those three leaked the guest list to his majesty. Next time you want to kill one of them, I might let you. Dimitri is insisting we now use Fhirdiad, and I have bigger arguments I need to win against him. Unfortunately, our hope for our wedding being a private affair was over before it even began. _

_ I tried on a dress today if you can believe that. I’ve been told by Annette it’s bad luck for you to see it, so I shouldn't even describe it to you. Blame her not me. Here’s hoping that marrying a Fraldarius also gives me their signature glare. I could use it these days._  
  
_Loving you and somehow missing your glare,_  
_Byleth_  
  
Sitting on a cold log Felix grimaced at the overly salty pork in his mouth and swallowed. As soon as he finished the runny eggs on his plate he would be expected to get to work. There were letters of condolences that needed his signature and a battle report from a skirmish with the rebels that needed reviewing. With an audible sigh, he folded the letter and placed it into his surcoat joining Byleth's previous one. A crisp autumn gust sent the smoke from the cooking fire into his face. Smoke was better than the odor of iron and something bitter he couldn't place. He hadn't been able to rid his armor of that stench since the demonic attack.

Felix's adjutant, a distant cousin and more importantly son to his retainer had certainly seen better days as well. Even with the gash over his torso, the squire had survived his first true combat. More impressively combat against several demonic beasts. Felix could still vividly remember his first taste of combat outside of sparring; a rebellion similar to this. He must have been around the same age when he squired for a relative and watched the Boar show his true colors.

The young adjutant spoke. "Your Grace, a letter and a package with Commander Eisner's seal arrived for you by a wyvern. Shall I place the letter in your tent to read later?" 

Felix took another bite of breakfast and extended his hand out for the letter. Correspondence by wyvern was supposed to be for emergencies and official business only. Admittedly both Byleth and himself had been abusing their rank when they sent personal letters alongside official documents.

The fork in his hand dropped onto the plate when Felix read the date; _23 Horsebow Moon 1187._

"This must be a mistake. Blaise, what is today’s date?” Felix asked through his clenched jaw

His adjutant cocked his head in confusion. “The twenty-seventh of the Horsebow Moon your Grace.”

The twenty-seventh, around a week past Byleth's birthday. Of course his last letter, rather his only letter to Byleth had been written in panic. He hadn't attempted to provide her comfort or tell her how she was missed, let alone wished her a happy birthday. Just how badly had he lost track of time since deploying south? 

"When did I send my last letter?" The question hardly mattered, the damage had already been afflicted. 

"The fifteenth of this moon sir."

As soon as Blaise answered his question Felix stood up and strode towards his tent. He began to read Byleth's letter, ignoring those who attempted to approach him for attention. 

_My Lord, Duke Fraldarius_

Felix's shoulders slouched at the formal greeting Byleth had never once used with him before. Was she upset with him? 

_His majesty has insisted that if I use a wyvern to send this, it must be only for formal business. At the risk of breaking my promise to him, let me thank you for your letter which accompanied your dire news. I dread to think what I would have done if I thought something happened to you._

_I can appreciate that you are expecting the answers you seek from me, and for me to be able to tell you I have everything under control._ _ However, I don't this time. I can tell you an exploratory action is being taken, but you have to be aware that the attack on your position might be a sensitive subject. One that can't be written on documents traveling without security. _

_I hope you realize if you were truly doing something wrong with your decisions on the front, I would be forced to intervene, no matter the status of our relationship. That is to say, you've done nothing I wouldn't have at least tried myself. Leadership on your level as you have noticed is about confidence. I have enough in you for the two of us. Take your time and find your balance between the distant, lone wolf you think you are, and the fierce pack leader I know you can be. _   
  
_I hope this letter helped in some small way. I'll write again soon and less formally._

_Regards,_   
_ B. Eisner_   
_High Commander, United Fódlan Forces_   
_Commanding_

_P.S Hopefully I was able to convince the messenger to deliver you a package, keep it to yourself so I'm not accused of misusing resources. _

Closing the flap of his tent Felix approached the makeshift table where he held briefings and used as his desk. nestled between his inkwell and quill lay a square tin container. When he slid the container open he recognized the brown tea leaves with specks of red scattered about. Deeply through his nose, he breathed in the scent of cinnamon. For a brief moment, the image of slender but calloused hands pouring a white teapot was conjured into his thoughts. 

As important as the letters of condolences were to the families of the fallen, they could wait just a little longer. As Felix picked up his quill to pen off a letter, the only emotion he could muster was gratitude towards the woman he loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, holy crap! I had to come up with a name and discovered something. Alliance nobles are named after characters in Shakespeare's King Lear. 
> 
> Goneril - Cruel eldest daughter in King Lear  
R(i)egan - Cruel second daughter in King Lear  
COrdelia - Youngest daughter in King Lear  
Gloucester - Father of Edmund in King Lear  
Edmund - Bastard son of Gloucester and villain in King Lear
> 
> One is funny, two is a coincidence, but five?


	5. Letter to Fhirdiad II

Throughout her life, Byleth was used to discomfort. She had slept on rocky riverbanks, cold stone floors, and hot desert sands. She had ridden long, leg numbing hours in the saddle and endured several wounds (the worst divinely pulsed away). As the former mercenary tugged at the white fabric clinging to the back of her neck she wondered who invented the torture of wedding dress fittings. Most of her discomfort Byleth understood was her fault. There was always a risk of injury when sparring, no matter your partner's ability. The angry welts on her left leg and aching arms reminded her of that relearned lesson.

_At least I didn't yield. _

When Byleth thought back on her last defeat a pair of fiery amber eyes and an extended calloused hand entered her mind. With the Wyvern Moon now upon Fódlan Felix had now been absent for three moons. She wondered if his eyes still held that competitive fire for combat, or if stress had suffocated her swordsman's fire into a mere smolder. Byleth adjusted her weight onto her uninjured leg bringing relief, and glares from the seamstresses busy with their work. 

A plump older woman scolded. "Lady Eisner, if you continue to fidget our pinning will be uneven. Now stand with proper etiquette. You are fortunate to be marrying into nobility, especially a man as powerful the duke. Surely you can act the part." 

There were many endearments Byleth could use to describe her fiancé. Noble (at least in the way the seamstress probably imagined) was not one of them. An endearment that **did** describe Felix, however, was fiercely loyal. Enough that the small disparaging remark would have earned the seamstress enough crude remarks and expletives from him to turn the offending woman's face red. Inwardly Byleth laughed at that image. Unfortunately, for Byleth there was nothing to be gain from lashing out at the seamstress. Adjusting her weight to stand 'properly', Byleth looked into the mirror in front of her. Reflected in the glass was a pair of green eyes that belonged to her former student, now the newest member of his majesty's Lionguard.

With her arms crossed, Ingrid spoke up. "You shouldn't speak poorly of those you don't know anything about. Felix...the duke would violently disagree with your opinion on who is lucky." Ingrid approached the fitting platform with something behind her back. "Knight-Captain Bawd sent me to find you with a complaint. Our exercise regimen in the training hall was interrupted several times by people searching for you." 

Under her breath, Byleth muttered. "How long have I been standing here? This fitting was supposed to take an hour." Then spoke up. "Who is asking after me?"

Ingrid gave Byleth an annoyed look. "Just remember I am a Knight of the Lionguard you shouldn't get used to using his majesty's elite as your personal stewards."

If Ingrid wasn't a former student Byleth would have laughed at the reality of the knight's situation. Bawd hazed new members of the Lionsguard by having them run menial tasks for him. Mostly to see if the recruits would follow his orders no matter how menial the task.

"Countess...I mean Spymaster Vitria left a message canceling your meeting in light of having no new information. Mister Crelle went on and on about the military's budget until he was red in the face. Can I assume you have a meeting with the treasury today?"

Mister Iago Crelle, a wealthy former merchant, was the other commoner on the general council. While his (and of course her own) appointment had brought the promise of the lower class having a path to a more active role in government, Byleth still hated dealing with his department.

From behind Ingrid's back, she procured a letter. "You also missed your mail call Professor. Though after you read it I have personal business with you."

Byleth's eyes widened and lips formed into a smile when she noticed the teal seal. "Felix sent a letter? If you'll allow me a few minutes ladies, it's been...I'd like to read this."

_27 Horsebow Moon 1187_

_Byleth,  
_ _I wish I could find the words express my gratitude towards you. Receiving two letters in a matter of days was already a strange surprise, and then you outdid yourself. Your knowledge of Fódlan customs has always been awful, but even you must realize I was supposed to get you something for your birthday, not the reverse. _

_Byleth when we discussed this temporary separation, we knew how many moments together we'd miss. Never in my worst nightmare though would I have dreamt of losing track of time this badly. Even when the celebration was just a good conversation over a cup of tea, you made my birthdays feel special. I always enjoyed the blend you sent with your last letter and with you so far away it just reminds me of how lucky I am to have your love. No matter how belated, Happy Birthday By. _

_Now comes the hard part. In your first letter, you wrote that your everyday business would bore me. I face a similar problem. My days are filled with the very battleplans that eventually arrive on your desk. This leaves sleeping, eating, and cleaning my blade as the activities you don't have tabs on. _ _I suppose since Ferdinand suggested we hold a conversation I should answer your question. You asked how I grew up in the Faerghus cold. The truth is I was already accustomed to bitter winters before discovering just how unusually cold they were. I’m unsurprised you lit a fire in your council room this early. You spent most of your life in warm climates after all. Not that you aren't strong enough to fend for yourself but if the Faerghus natives continue to wag their tongues against you, threaten them with a march through Ailell. That will shut their mouths. _

_While a march north before the first snow is doubtful, nothing will stop me from returning home far before the bitter weather sets in. You'll soon be complaining about how our bed is too warm if you can wait for me just a little longer. _ _I want to tell you I'll write soon but my battalion is moving up. I should be glad you'll at least know where I am unlike everyone else's families. If our situation was reversed I would go mad not knowing if you were safe between letters. Please never stop writing letters to me. I love you, _

_Yours faithfully,  
_ _Felix_

Byleth read the letter once, twice, and then read the words 'I love you' another five times. The sound of Felix's voice saying those three words felt more soothing than any healing spell. If she could only wrap herself in the sound of his voice, she might not need his cloak.

"Professor, are you alright? You looked surprised when I gave you the letter" When Byleth looked up from the parchment Ingrid looked concerned. "Has Felix not been writing to you? How did he not pick up more charm from-"

Byleth narrowed her eyes and cut the knight off. "Don't finish that thought. Believe it or not, Felix is enough for me as he is. Now you said you had business with me. Is it personal or professional?"

After a pause Ingrid offered. "Both? Commander Eisner, I'd like to offer House Galatea's troops to replace House Fraldarius when the time comes."

Byleth opened her mouth and closed it again in confusion. "That is an unusual request considering your current post here. Ultimately you'll need his majesty's permission to leave his Lionsguard even temporarily. Is there a reason why you want to deploy?"

With hesitation Ingrid replied. "That is the personal part. If the world was different in a few months you'd be my sister-in-law, instead of Felix's Duchess. Before you get the wrong idea, I'm happy for you two. Felix is good for you, as much as you are for him. It's just that your future was the one taken from me. Attending your wedding would mean watching that future being taken again. lI can'teave Fhirdiad without a valid reason. Please Professor. Help me convince Dimitri to allow me to deploy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now you all know why Ingrid never shows up in [The Lies of Ever After](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20749118/chapters/49300118). I feel so much better having that minor plot thread explained.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally made a [twitter account](https://twitter.com/saviana572) to link this series so *shrug*


End file.
